Sunday, June 6, 2010

When I'm Alone

I daydream sooo Much it doesn't even make sense 
I have so many thoughts about my past, present and future 
How my life has changed so much & I am so happy that it has changed 
In grade school I wasn't what the boys called the Pretty Girl 
Brown Skin Tall Girl ........ I always hid my legs because I was ashamed of my scars 
Awkward because of my height && finding clothes was always the hardest for me 
&& Now its like the ugly duckling I use to be is Beautiful beyond words in my mind 
Finding a guy these days isn't so hard anymore .......... 
When I'm Alone I daydream about my 1st Love 
All of my closest friends know his name =) I daydream of my 1st kiss with him 
It was on a Thursday and its was dark outside He walked to my house He only lived up the street ...... Just when he was about to leave I walked him to the door and stood on the porch We hugged and then my lips met his and he kissed me...... for some reason we wasn't on the porch we begun to kiss && it was raining that night too [[Sigh]] hair getting wet and all with no shoes on! Oh Yeah it was a little chilly too .... You know that Late October Weather [[Smirk]]
Its something I always daydream about because then a Kiss was so innocent you know  ...... no harm done! I been through so much with that boy who is now a man and a father. 
Sometimes I wonder if I would of stayed and been stupid would I have been his baby mother 
Then Reality snaps back in & I realize that I was wayyyyy to smart for stupid decisions  

When I'm Alone I daydream about my actions 
I have noticed within my time being at home how when I feel myself getting close to someone I push away and start fights for no reason. 
Its like I force them to lose interest in me && in the back of my mind thats exactly what I want 
No one I feel like can meet my expectations when it comes to pleasing me and I feel like no one ever will 
I know how complicated I am && how at times I can turn into a major BITCH but when I find a man who can deal with all of that He'll become my husband! =) <3  

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