I remember when I Fell In Love With Michael Jackson
I was like in the 5th Grade and Rush Hour 2 Came Out
&& Michael was dropping his album around the same time of the premiere of the Movie
His video You Rocked My World was everywhere
I would record it on VHS and rewind and watch it over and over again
I begged my mom for his CD I mean BEGGED!
For Christmas my mom bought me madd CDs I Mean a lot
But My Number one favorite was
Michael Jackson Invisible ... <3 I played that CD over and over
I was young and most of Michael prime years was when my mother was young !!!
But I loved this guy music and I Always Will
I ♥ MJ & I will Always Love His Music =)
I Listen to his music not just today but at least 3Xs a week =)
My Favorite Song of his is SPEECHLESS and my Favorite video is REMEMBER THE TIME
I Miss You Mike <3
Today I wanted to cry so bad when I was in Pizza Hut
The man that I always wanted to be with since day one Hurt me!
For 3 1/2 years I've been off and on with this guy ......
I stared out the window and watched the cars go by and I just wanted to cry and let the tears flow
But I remember tears are a sign of weakness and Elvria is not weak at all!
So I kept my tears inside and told him how me has been making feel and he told me what he thought and how he felt about the situation
The moment he opened his mouth I realized He Does Not Want To Be in a relationship with me
He is here because he Loves me but he does not want to be with me
See You can Love someone with all your heart doesnt mean you want to be in a relationship with them.
We sat in silence only time we spoke was when the waiter came by our table and ask'd questions and even then I wanted to scream out for hug or a gentle kiss on my forehead to reassure me my feeling at that moment were a lies .... and that he really does want to be with me.
Every time I opened my mouth that never happened ... I just wanted to cry more than I did when my mouth was closed
Then I realized and thought all my flings have moved on from me and so has he.
They all have something new and I have nothing at all
At the end of the day I realize that I need no other man all I need is myself
&& With myself I will be happy!
But for today I just want to cry n sleep
In the morning I'll be fine! Love is a crazy thing and if you use it right you'll be happy
Abuse Love and you'll be hurt!
You know how you take them good good showers! The ones when you get in there you just wanna stay That was the type of shower I was taking tonight ..... with all the noise during the day ..... quiet showers at night are the best So while I'm in the shower I started thinking What Am I Good At?! I mean I'm 19 years old and I have No Hobbies or Talents ........... [[SAD]] So I made a mental Checklist:
Singing .......... [[Uh maybe when I was little but I lost that voice over the years]]
I do not know how to play a instrument [[Not even the flute or drums]] My mom bought me a keyboard for Xmas one year ....... its sitting in the closet collecting dust #Fail
Then I begged for a sewing machine the next year because I want to be a fashion designer ..... [[Sigh]] I took the sewing machine out the box probably ten times with 5 years IDK even know where the sewing machine is right now
Over the summer when I went to my dads house I thought that maybe I might enjoy working out ((Since he has a mini weight room)) #Fail Woke up early one morning and never did it again
HS I barely played sports .... I'm a tall girl so I tired out for the basketball team wondering if maybe it was fit for me ....... WRONG another fail I couldn't even make a shot from the _______ line idk wht its called lol
So in the spring I ran track and at first I ran because I thought I might enjoy running [[ I see white ppl running all the time and I wanted to see if I'll enjoy it as much as they do lol]] Running was ok ..... I liked it took my mind off of things but It still wasnt for me =(
Not the best cook either mom left one weekend I was in charge for the cooking that was the biggest fail of my life Annie (sister) wanted Burger King instead of my food =(
Then I realize I Fucking Suck Yo! I have no Hobbies no hidden talent I mean what can I give back? Seriously There is nothing that I can give back or just enjoy! Maybe I should take this summer and think about What Are My True Hobbies .................... Because I
I have so many thoughts about my past, present and future
How my life has changed so much & I am so happy that it has changed
In grade school I wasn't what the boys called the Pretty Girl
Brown Skin Tall Girl ........ I always hid my legs because I was ashamed of my scars
Awkward because of my height && finding clothes was always the hardest for me
&& Now its like the ugly duckling I use to be is Beautiful beyond words in my mind
Finding a guy these days isn't so hard anymore ..........
When I'm Alone I daydream about my 1st Love
All of my closest friends know his name =) I daydream of my 1st kiss with him
It was on a Thursday and its was dark outside He walked to my house He only lived up the street ...... Just when he was about to leave I walked him to the door and stood on the porch We hugged and then my lips met his and he kissed me...... for some reason we wasn't on the porch we begun to kiss && it was raining that night too [[Sigh]] hair getting wet and all with no shoes on! Oh Yeah it was a little chilly too .... You know that Late October Weather [[Smirk]]
Its something I always daydream about because then a Kiss was so innocent you know ...... no harm done! I been through so much with that boy who is now a man and a father. Sometimes I wonder if I would of stayed and been stupid would I have been his baby mother Then Reality snaps back in & I realize that I was wayyyyy to smart for stupid decisions
When I'm Alone I daydream about my actions
I have noticed within my time being at home how when I feel myself getting close to someone I push away and start fights for no reason. Its like I force them to lose interest in me && in the back of my mind thats exactly what I want No one I feel like can meet my expectations when it comes to pleasing me and I feel like no one ever will I know how complicated I am && how at times I can turn into a major BITCH but when I find a man who can deal with all of that He'll become my husband! =) <3
